And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
