$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
