Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
