She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
