Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
