More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
