she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
