you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
