she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
