so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
