I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
