On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
