You made me cry and you don't even care
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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