You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just cropdusted the office
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts