i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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