Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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