If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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