the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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