those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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