i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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