I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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