Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
