how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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