So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
