I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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