i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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