she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
