Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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