he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
