ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize