i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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