I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i want to swaddle you in tequila
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
