just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
