Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
