he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
