On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
