You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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