but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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