If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
