I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
