i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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