I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
