did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
