Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
