I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
