you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
