Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
