we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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