He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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