I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
