i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
