You don't have asthma, your pregnant
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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