bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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