just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
