i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
