I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
