I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize