She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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