There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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