I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
