So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
