i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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