ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
