my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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